July 19, 2011, is when I left on a non-stop flight back to St. Louis, Missouri without my daughter Indra. Paula and Indra took me to the airport in Charlotte, NC, Indra give me a hug told me she loved me. It was the last real hug in my option. This was also the day, my ex-wife stated we were “Officially” no longer together in court documents that I received in Septemeber of 2011, which I paid for. I thought I was paying for an uncontested divorce which in fact my ex-wife took my money and got herself a lawyer in Monroe, NC. This document was 35 pages long with sub up that I would take all of the marital debt with a total of $55,000, and she would keep her car and Indra. I would get permeant visitation of one a year for two weeks whereas Paula would get over $1800 a month in support and Indra’s college education would be paid for by me, at UNC Chapel Hill. Keep in mind Indra was only 8 and a half at the time. This was the real true sign of the alienation beginning to take shape. August 2011, was when Paula sent myself and mother emails stating to us that both of us should be ashamed of ourselves since my mother did call Indra to see how see was doing. Why would my mother call Indra if my mother has never been ALLOWED to be a
August 2011, was when Paula sent myself and mother emails stating to us that both of us should be ashamed of ourselves since my mother did call Indra to see how see was doing. Why would my mother call Indra if my mother has never been ALLOWED to be a grandmother? Since Paula ruin their relationship from early on. My mother has been nothing but nice to Paula, asked them to visit countless times, yet Paula’s mother can live at my house, but Paula couldn’t take my mother only grandchild to visit her. Furthermore, Paula’s mother sent hate mail to myself and mother in the form of a postcard mailed from Sweden.
I only have one regret in this whole situation is not telling Indra the whole truth in December of 2013 when I had the chance when she was at my house. I refuse to believe by now that Indra doesn’t realize that something is off, a vacation every year, a letterman’s jacket, mom couldn’t afford certain things like fixing Indra’s broken tooth, yet could vacations? I fought for Indra to have her tooth fix so she could have a perfect smile no young lady should have no reason to smile.
I smile every day knowing that Indra looks just like me. Knowing that she has similar features of her mother but when you look at my photos from when I was a child Indra and I have the same facial features.
I also smile knowing that Indra is always going be related me forever. May be able to change last names but you always have my DNA.
I also smiling knowing that Life is GREAT.
Five years later, life is great the children are doing great Stephaine is walking! Frank is talking up a storm! Katelynn is starting the second grade a month. Besides being called “Monsters” by certain people the children are thriving.
Frank asked me the other day, “who that?” Pointing to a picture of Indra. So I took the time to explain the best I could to two years old that was his BIG SISTER INDRA. Frank said, “Indraaa?” and pointed at the picture. I said, “Yes, Indra. She is your big sister, she lives with her mommy in another place.”
Now he still points and says “sisa”(meaning sister!).
Made my day being able to take about Indra to Frank. I can’t wait to tell Stephaine about her older sister as well.
Katelynn is still very hurt, she misses Indra very much. She talks to me time to time; she mainly asks my mother about Indra. My mother who is also very hurt that she wasn’t allowed to be part of Indra’s life because of Paula’s attitude towards her and her having to take care of my grandfather who lived with my mother for about ten years until he passed. My mother strongly believes that Paula took her money on purpose and used her and myself. My mother is sick with the thought that Indra is going be living with Paula until 18, without knowing her(my mother) if anything would happen to her(my mother). She is sad to think Indra never got to know the truth of how much she truly cares about Indra.
My mother said, “I love Indra. I am just sad that she hates me, I did nothing negative to her, I love her very much. I never yelled at Indra. I still can’t believe Paula called me crying in voicemail, ” Eileen, I know you don’t want her(Indra), I don’t have any money for a plane ticket to get her home earlier, I know you and Paul don’t want her(Indra) around, Please send Indra home. I just afford for the ticket.”
I told my mother, keep the voicemail so we can use it in court one day. Good thing she did, now it can be uploaded to youtube for the world to hear.
It’s funny to think, Paula said she couldn’t afford the ticket, yet affords all these vacations, another car titled in her name, (no payments), however, tell Indra she couldn’t eat because I didn’t support them?
A few weeks ago right before we moved to our new house, Katelynn wanted to know why we had to move Indra’s stuff to our new house? I simply just said, ” Just because Indra’s mommy doesn’t want me to see Indra doesn’t mean Indra won’t want to find us later in life. ”
Me, “Because I love Indra just as much I love you and Frank, …” She said, “I know and Stephanie. That’s what Nina said.”
Ryan Thomas was able to find the light, here is him speaking about Hating Half of Myself I Child of Parental Alienation: Ryan Thomas Speaks. I found this to helpful for some of the parents I talk to in Phoenix.
Found what is says to be helpful, being a child of divorce myself, and never having a relationship with my father, I always wanted to be a father to my kids. It is not about the amount of money given it’s about the time spend. All I wanted to do was spend time with Indra, whereas Paula wanted me to pay high child support so she could get richer off of me. I am a chef, not a doctor. I am the father of four children, not one. Child support is for the child, I paid what I could when I could. I have known the whole time that Paula was brought money in from Sweden how else would she be able to afford the lifestyle.
It was noted, “Starbucks,” well it was more than just Starbucks, it was the attitude. Not smoking, not Starbucks, it was being treated like a person not a doormat with money. And that is how I was treated after her mother’s citizenship documents were signed.
Not the father of her child, Not her husband. A doormat with money.
I loved Paula, I tried to give her the world. I just couldn’t afford the lifestyle of the rich. I couldn’t take the abuse anymore.
It is true you fall out of love, I fell out of love with my wife. I didn’t fall in love with another until years later. Yes, years later! You may be asking the computer screen what do you mean, you had a girlfriend not even six months later. Correct, I checked out of my married years ago when I was yelled, about asking Paula and Indra to moved to St. Louis, in 2009, when I came town. I wanted my wife(at the time) to JUMP at the adventure.
I was welcomed with YELLING, Screaming about how it was too much to move now, we have a house, I have a job with benefits.
Indra could change schools before the next year started.
You could work here in St. Louis.
“No, I am not working. You said I wouldn’t have to work?”
We have a lot of debt to pay from the credit cards, from the bike I didn’t need but you said buy it when I had one that worked. Credit cards from spending $40 to $150 on Ikea stuff for a house we are selling. ..
Paula broke me down to no one. Not even a person in her life, I wasn’t treated like her husband for years. Just a doormat. I checked out after that conversation more like her yelling at me. Which she did a lot, and hung up the phone all me all the TIME. Looking back we should have NEVER got married, I made a bad choice to help her since I felt bad that she would have to leave the country.
I wanted to be a hero, I wanted to be her partner. Whereas the feeling was not mutual. There was always another plan to use and leave.
Five years later after the shock, I am not shocked she did what she did. I am just shocked I couldn’t have seen it before when I was living in Monroe, so I could have been there for Indra.
Indra needed me, I wasn’t there. That is my own fault for not seeing her mother for who she really is “User, Pathicagolica lier. story teller. Narcissistic.”
I am here when Indra is ready to find me. I am ready with open arms. I am not the monster that I was made out to be in court. I am a father that deeply cares about his child, who failed because the system failed Indra.
Five years later my new wife loves me, supports me, caring, and understands that it takes two to make a marriage works. We will be married for three years on December 18, we couldn’t be more in love with each other. Our relationship is based on truth, happiness, and living life. International travel less than two years away, with sights of living abroad.
What would have happened if I didn’t leave?
There would be no Frank, No Stephaine. But Indra would have two parents who hate each other.
Would I change what happen?
No, everything happens for a reason, God’s plan is the greatest plan.
Thank you, Lord, for letting my paths cross with my new wife, heaven only knows it was meant to be. I couldn’t be happier. Amen.